Your eyes slowly opened to see Sotetsu standing by the window, gazing at the night lights outside. He held a cigarette between his fingers, and for a few seconds, you followed the smoke illuminated by the city lights as it curled upwards into the air. Thoughts swirled around in his mind, some deep and introspective, others fleeting and uncertain. The only sound was the occasional puff of smoke and the distant hum of the city below.

Though the two of you had been dating for a while, he rarely told you anything related to him or his past. It was not that you didn’t trust him, but somehow you felt he couldn’t trust you with his secrets. Pulling your blanket off, you quietly got out of bed, but the sound of the bedsheet rustling was enough to catch his attention.

Sotetsu paused, mid-drag, and turned to look at you as you got out of bed. He took in your figure, a small smile playing on his lips as seeing you with fewer clothes was a pleasant reminder of just how attractive you were.

“Hey there, sleepyhead. You need anything?” Sotetsu playfully asked, his voice low and husky.

“I should ask you that,” You replied in a hoarse, sleepy voice. Walking closer to Sotestsu, you studied his shirtless body, glistening under the moonlight, before wrapping your arms around him and planting a kiss on his chest. Your scent, now mixed with cigarette ashes, still lingered on his skin from your activities with him earlier that evening. You knew he would not give you a proper answer to your question, but you still followed your heart’s order and asked anyway.

“Something on your mind?”

He hummed thoughtfully as the warm and humid air from your mouth brushed against his skin while his muscles worked hard to hide the slight tremor from his sudden excitement. Sotetsu let out a content sigh as you pressed yourself against his warm body. Your touch calmed down his racing thoughts and heart like no other, not that he would ever tell you that verbally, but your touch was something Sotetsu treasured dearly.

He chuckled and rested his hand on the back of your head, his gaze still facing forward at the skyline. His piercing orange eyes narrowed as if contemplating something before he answered, “A few things, nothing too important. Nothing you need to worry about.”

Your body unknowingly tensed at hearing those words, but you quickly regained your composure as you didn’t want Sotestu to be alerted in any way. Not knowing what to say, you kept your lips pressed in a firm line, hoping he would at least say something to put you at ease.

Sotetsu was aware that you both had been in a relationship for a while, but there were certain things he couldn’t disclose to you. He understood it was unjust to keep you in the dark, but he didn’t want to involve you in the complicated situation he was dealing with. His gaze briefly wandered outside the window, scanning the dimly lit city, as he took one final puff of his cigarette before putting out the butt on the crystal ashtray you gave him as a birthday present.

“Have I ever told you what your touch does to me?”

His words caught you off guard, but you lifted your head to look at his face. “What… it does to you?”

Sotetsu gazed down at you, admiring how the city lights danced in your beautiful eyes. His lips curled into a teasing smile, but his voice was warm.

“Honestly? I can barely describe it, but when I feel your hands on my skin, I feel a rush of emotions.” Your boyfriend took a deep breath, his eyes flitting to the cigarette butt he had extinguished in the ashtray. He was silent for a moment, his thoughts racing as a mix of feelings gripped him. What were the perfect words to describe your touch?

“You have a way of making me feel, well, human,” He said, his voice lower and more melancholy than before. “But that also scares me because I don’t know if I can hide my secrets from you forever.”

It was one of the rare moments that Sotetsu displayed the feeling in his heart without hesitation or fear of maintaining his image. Moments like these made you feel he trusted you more than anyone else, but his words pinched your heart this time.

“Are you afraid I will leave you when I find out?”

Sotetsu stayed quiet, his eyes still searching the city for something, but a while later, he finally nodded with a hint of shame. “I want to believe that you won’t, but I am scared that once you discover my secrets, you’ll think of me differently.”

His voice was tinged with the faintest hint of sadness and a pang of lingering guilt that he hadn’t been upfront with you from the start. You had a gnawing feeling that his secrets held the power to drive a wedge in your relationship, but you still wanted to reassure him that you would be open-minded about it.

“Whenever you are ready, I will listen to you without judging, but until that day comes, you can enjoy my amazing touch,” You giggled playfully to lighten the heavy air about him. Sotetsu smiled slightly at your words, his expression softening with it.

“And you can enjoy mine,” He replied, gently touching your cheek. “I know I can’t keep my secrets from you forever, but while I can, I want to make every moment with you count.”

Sotetsu finally met your eyes, his piercing gaze filled with determination and affection. “Because I love you and don’t ever want to lose you.”

He paused, his voice thick with emotion. “Not ever.”