Feeling Lonely
Prompt: Platonic scenarios with the original Starless members and fem!reader where the reader is close with the old cast since she’s worked with them at the previous restaurant. But lately, she’s been feeling lonely because they’ve been spending more time with Saki. She’s not jealous and understands Saki’s situation, but she just can’t help but miss them.
Warning: Angst
Gender: fem!Reader, platonic
Ginsei watched you from afar, and though it was evident that you were not doing okay, he turned his back to you. His lack of courage prevented him from approaching him – he hadn’t been a good friend, and he knew it, but what was he supposed to do or say? If only things could return to the way they used to be.
“Ginsei, are you nervous?” You pinched his cheeks, earning a slight frown from him. “Have more confidence in yourself, will ya? You have the face, the body, the skills, the dedication, the will to work hard, but…your confidence…why are you always so hard on yourself?”
“S-Sorry…”
“Why are you apologizing, silly?” You giggled, “Ginsei, you are going to do great! I will believe in you. Here’s a good luck kiss!”
You got on your toes and pressed a quick peck on his cheek, earning a blush from him. “You look so cute when you blush!”
Ginsei brushed his fingertips on his cheek and exhaled loudly. “I have already lost so much…and now, I am losing her…what am I doing? Things can’t continue like this…”
Spinning on his heels, he went to greet you, but you were nowhere in sight. For a while, he walked around Starless but eventually found you sitting on the back-alley steps. Your soft sobs tugged at his heart as he quietly made his way down the steps and kneeled in front of you. He reached his trembling fingertips to your cheeks and lightly smudged your tears, catching you off guard.
“Am I the reason for these tears?” Ginsei forced a small smile, “Sorry, you don’t have to answer the question…I already know the answer. I know I messed up and was trying to muster the courage to face you. My mind has…I haven’t been able to think straight for a while.”
He paused and shifted his eyes to your face to ensure that you wanted to listen to his words. Seeing you quietly looking back at him, he rested his large, warm hand on top of yours, “The old Starless shutting down was a shock for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful that this new Starless exists, but I miss Koharu and Akito. I like being part of Team K but having to switch between K and P is too much to handle. Not to mention dealing with the cast members takes a toll on me…they can be a handful. Please don’t look at me like that…I don’t deserve your sympathy.”
“Here you go…looking down on yourself again.”
“It’s become a habit,” he chuckled sadly. “I am making excuses to defend myself, and I realize I am at fault for us drifting apart. Can I be selfish? Would you be willing to give this friendship another chance? I promise to be a better friend and hold our friendship even closer to my heart than before.”
“Kokuyou! Put me down”
“Not until you give back my cigarettes,” the tall man let out a deep chuckle as you playfully pounded your fists on his back.
Since the day you joined the old Starless, you got along with Kokuyou – well, at least you thought so, but the rest of the cast members saw the two of you as Tom and Jerry. When you were mad at or upset with him, you treated him like a life-size target with his face being the bullseye. When you took away his smokes, irritated him, made him angry, or teased him too much, Kokuyou would throw you over his shoulder and carry you everywhere. When you were sad, he would hug you, ask who he needs to beat up and be willing to do anything to make you smile.
So, why couldn’t he see how sad you were now? Why did her presence blind him – blind everyone in Starless? It’s not that you had anything against her. Her life was in danger, and Starless was the only place that could protect her, and you understood that, but…why did he forget about you? Sighing, you wiped the corners of your eyes and stared at a few cats wandering in the alley behind the restaurant.
“You done crying?” A husky voice asked from behind, earning a squeal from you. “Why…are you crying? Who do I need to beat up?”
Still with your back turned to him, you forced a sad smile – when was the last time you hear him say that? You couldn’t remember but hearing those words from him caused a mixture of pain and warmth to spread through your chest.
“Do I need to beat…myself up?” He asked in a tense, low whisper. Your silence gave him the answer he needed, regardless, he still waited for your reply. “Say somethin’, will ya?”
Kokuyou rested a large hand on your shoulder, causing your muscles to tense. “Look…I know I haven’t been spendin’ much time with you. Things were better at the old Starless…we were like a family, but here, it ain’t that way. One day, we’re workin’ together, the next day, the same person will be holdin’ a knife to your throat. Things got worse after Kei and that woman stepped foot into Starless. What I’m tryin’ to get at is, (Y/n), no one can take your place.”
“It doesn’t feel that way…”
“I know, and I’m sorry. Can we go back to the way we were? I miss throwing you over my shoulder and arguing with you.” Kokuyou let out a drawn chuckle as he ruffled your hair.
“You think I’m going to forgive you that easily?” Turning your head, you playfully glared at him. “Try again, Mr. Starless.”
“I know you won’t, so tell me what do I need to do? I will do anything for your forgiveness…and smile.” A gentle smile tugged on his lips, and an equally gentle look shone in his eyes.
“What’s with that long face? Did Kokuyou give ya a lecture too?”
You saw Akira lean against the railing while fidgeting with a box of cigarettes out of your eyes. Not wanting him to pry any further, you shook your head and turned your back to him. “It’s nothing.”
With those words, you hurriedly descended the stairs leading back into the restaurant. Even after you were out of sight, Akira continued to stare at the staircase in silence, wondering why you ran away. Was it sometimes he said?
What was the point of telling him the truth? If he cared, he wouldn’t have forgotten about you; he would have been able to see how lonely you were, how much you missed him, and just how much you wanted your friendship to return to what it used to be. You couldn’t remember where everything went wrong – part of you wanted to blame her for this, but the other part knew that wasn’t right. It wasn’t like she asked Akira to stop talking to you or stole him away from you.
Finding a quiet corner, you pressed your back against the wall, sandwiched your head between your hands, and squeezed your eyes shut. “Quiet mind…just shut up. Accept that he doesn’t care anymore and move on.”
“Who doesn’t care?”
Your eyes shot open, but you kept your head lowered, not wanting to meet his gaze. Frustrated at your silence, Akira slowly approached you while being prepared to catch you in case you decided to run from him again. “Answer my questions, (y/n). Are you talking about me?”
“Who else would I be talking about, Akira? Back at the old Starless, we were inseparable, but here…you never spend time with me.” Your vision began to cloud, but you rapidly blinked to hold back your tears from spilling into the floor. “You forgot about me.”
“That’s not true!” The volume of Akira’s voice startled you, and though he noticed you tense up, he continued without apologizing, “I do care about you! I didn’t know you feel that way…(y/n), I…”
Akira squatted down on the floor to get a better look at your face, but as soon as he saw your tear-drenched eyes, he lowered his gaze and stood up. Wrapping his arms around you, he whispered, “I am sorry for being such a bad friend. Will you let me make it up to you? I’ll do anything…even kick Kokuyou if you want me to.”
You quietly watched Menou practicing a scene for his upcoming onsen show through the slight opening in the door. You were proud of him for working hard to polish his acting skill, but you couldn’t help but remember the days when you used to help him practice at the old Starless. Sometimes being the Juliet to his Romeo, sometimes being the Michael to his Faust, but the best part was laughing at some of the cheesy dialogues, especially in the romantic scenes.
Feeling the pressure on your chest from thinking about the good times, you stepped away from the door. As if he heard you, Menou stopped rehearsing his dialogue, but you didn’t stick around to find out – not like it would have mattered anyway. “Like he would have asked me to join him and said he missed rehearsing with me.”
A few minutes later, Menou strolled into the break area, and though you saw him, you continued to stare at your phone’s screen, pretending to have not noticed him. Much to your shock, he sat down next to you and rested his head on your right shoulder. “World’s best pillow…”
Not hearing a reply from you, Menou asked, “Are you perhaps upset with me?”
Once again, you didn’t respond to him, and he took your silence as a yes. Menou sighed quietly, “Quite a lot has changed in my life. While most of the changes are out of my control, and I cannot do much to prevent them, I am willing to take full responsibility for one change – the distance between us. I honestly did not realize when we drifted apart.”
“Since when do you share your feelings so openly with others?”
“I never share my feelings with anyone, aside from you. That has always been the case…and I fear shall always remain the case.” Menou slightly opened his eyes and spoke in a drained voice, “Are you willing to allow me to make up for my mistake? Once chance would be sufficient.”
“I…guess…yes.”
“Great, then, I shall begin mending the distance between us after a nap. Hold still, my dear pillow.” With those words, he grew silent.
“Menou? Menou?” You tilted your head to get a better look at his face only to notice him peacefully sleeping. Chuckling to yourself, you shook your head, “How do you manage to fall asleep so quickly?”
You peered into the restaurant area through the small, rectangular windows on the entrance door. The cast members were merrily celebrating her birthday, and Nekome was having a pleasant conversation with her. You couldn’t hear their words, but his smile was enough for you to deduce that he was enjoying himself. Feeling out of place, you dragged your feet away from there and to Unei’s office.
Moments after entering the desolate room, you hear the door open, and in came your once best friend. With a curious smile, he asked, “What are you doing here all alone? You do realize we are celebrating Saki’s birthday, right?”
Not knowing what to say to him maintained your silence, giving Nekome the perfect opportunity to tease you. “Are you jealous of the attention Saki is getting?”
“I AM NOT jealous!” You snapped at him, taking Nekome completely by surprise. Opening his eyes, he saw tears welling up in your blood-shot red eyes. Had you been crying before he got there?
“I couldn’t care less about how much attention she gets! I only care about one thing -”
Your lips pressed together into a flat line, and without finishing your sentence, you headed towards the door, but Nekome blocked your path. “Finish your sentence, (y/n).”
“Do you know how long I waited for you to come back? Everywhere I went, I would look around for you. All I wanted was one glimpse – all I wanted was to know that you were okay. Do you know…how much I missed you?” You curled your hands into tight balls and half yelled at him, “I couldn’t control my happiness when you came back, but you…you acted like I didn’t exist! You forgot about me.”
“I…apologize (y/n). Many events have taken place since we left the old Starless-”
“Excuses!”
Nekome sighed and gently rested his hands on your shoulders, “I realize these might seem like excuses to you but hear me out.”
“There are many things I can’t share with you, and I am not ignoring you. My only intention is to protect you. Everything I have done, and I am doing is to protect you.” He attempted to force the corners of his lips up, but his smile fell quickly, “If my attempts at protecting you caused you pain, I am sorry. I…will figure out another way to keep you safe.”
“What do you mean, protect me?” You curiously asked.
“I cannot tell you. It’s better if you don’t find out, either. While I was gone, I couldn’t stop thinking about the two people closest to my heart – you and Taiga. I never once forgot you…I wouldn’t even dream of forgetting my dearest friend.” Nekome kept his right hand on your shoulder but brought his left hand to cup your cheek. “What can I do to make you accept my apology? I am willing to do anything, including…ban Taiga from playing video games, steal Kokuyou’s motorcycle key, steal Mokuren’s food, and play pranks on Kei.”
A laugh escaped your lips, “And how will any of those things benefit me?”
“My words made you smile, didn’t they?” He chuckled and pinched your nose. “I missed your smile, (y/n).”